Between vanilla and butterflies
They say that Danes open up in summer like flowers in spring. So I said – “here’s my chance, it’s now or never!” Also, it’s a smart move considering that you don’t want to spend the Danish winter alone. It’s just sad, between different shades of black and grey the perfect for cuddles and candles.
So it was July 2020, after five months of Covid-lockdown and thesis writing. I was actually more ready for exploring the non-monogamous environment, with the naive hope to find a partner eventually. But then I met him.
We matched on one of the many dating apps I was on. I read his profile and found it appealing. I’m a writer and a musician – he wrote, with other sarcastically written gains I would enjoy if the match happens.
We chatted for a couple of weeks before meeting physically. He had come back to town after living abroad for a good while. Fresh catch -I thought. The conversations over the screen had given me a good feeling of a clever, intense character that even happened to like one of my favourites Nitzsche’s quotes: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”.
We agreed on meeting in Nyhavn, a pretty touristy spot for two “locals”. But alright, still cool settings so there I was. I arrived more than one can expect from a Cuban girl. So I took my chance to meditate on a bench under a tree by the canal.
After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and saw a cute chubby guy whose face looked pretty much like my date. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes again. “It can’t be him, doesn’t look like that in the pictures”, – I thought. I opened my eyes again and I saw him gazing around like someone who is looking for someone. It’s him, It’s him -I acknowledged with the flavour of disappointment on my lips. Yet I stayed, with closed eyes until he found me.
We went to a restaurant by the canal, and after a five-hours date, my perspective had changed exponentially positive. He was indeed interesting. He still looked a little big in my taste but “I can deal with that” – I thought, hopeful.
On the second date, we kissed. According to him, I use my tongue too much, like, almost aggressively. What?! I’d always been told that I’m a good kisser! And modesty aside, I believe so. What is a kiss without the tongue and all the play that comes with it? Anyway, I guess kisses are like colours -there are tastes for everyone. “That shouldn’t be a problem”, I thought. He wanted to date me exclusively and that’s what mattered the most. Given that the new norm seemed to be the polyamorous thing I was about to explore, he was indeed a rare find worth it to hold tightly.
So I said yes! Let’s get into deep waters.
We started to see each other more and more frequently, playing the girlfriend-boyfriend game. He was good at making you feel part of something. Even introduced me to his closest friends, which here in Denmark is quite a step up the ladder. It seemed that we were building something close to a relationship.
He used to say he was open-minded. I used to hope he was, but the truth is that sex smelt vanilla. Yes, that’s a new term I had learned on the dating scene. The conventional type of guy that doesn’t have fantasies or kinky thoughts; that was him. I remember the day I told him I like girls; he couldn’t care less. Isn’t it the wish that every guy in the hearth has?! Who wouldn’t get excited with the thought of his hot girlfriend bringing home a woman for them to play with, kiss, undress, and go crazy? Like receiving a text message saying
Honey, I’m bringing our favourite juice…
But no, that was not his drive. So were not my sex toys, which would represent for him an unbeatable rival and enemy of his ego. I was willing to compromise all my sex fantasies and ideals, for fair trade of connection, stability and care. Someone ready to commit and stay. He also wanted a family, and I wanted to give it a chance.
Two months after we met, the summer was gone, the thesis done; I was not in love but in my heart he was growing. I had rented an independent apartment where I saw us living together and building our nest. For the first time since I moved to Europe, I was feeling the potential for it to happen.
One sunny afternoon at Nyhavn, nearby where we had our first date, we had agreed to meet. I was super happy as I had just defended my thesis and was ready for the new stage of my life. I wanted us to celebrate. But instead…
–This is not going to work -he said with a cold distant voice.
-What?! -I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.
-Yes, you and I, it’s not gonna work -he reassured.
-Just like that, all of a sudden?
–I don’t feel the butterflies -he said.
And that was it.
